In some Christian circles, it has become common to hear people say that forgiveness is conditional. To a new believer who is perhaps not acquainted with the nuances of this argument, that can be hard to square with the seemingly unconditional things that Jesus says about forgiveness in the Bible:
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses" (Mark 11:25 ESV).
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15 ESV).
To state the obvious, nothing about those verses sounds conditional. However, in some circles, the word “forgiveness” is being used in a broad and expansive sense, such that it bleeds over into what many others mean when they use the word “reconciliation.”
Within one group you might hear a person say: “You cannot forgive someone truly unless they acknowledge and repent of their sin. You can foreswear vengeance and you can pray blessing, but you cannot forgive what hasn’t been confessed and repented of.”
In large measure, this person is saying the same thing as the person from another circle who says: “You can forgive the person who sins against you, even if they do not acknowledge or repent of their sin. However, you will not be reconciled to that person until they properly admit to and repent of what they have done.”
Both parties are saying that a follower of Jesus can and should act in a merciful way towards those who wrong them. We should pray for those who abuse and persecute us and do good to those who wrong us, as clearly taught in Scripture (Luke 6:27-28; Romans 12:19-21). Restoring the relationship however, will require proper acknowledgment, true repentance and personal growth on the part of the offender.
I personally do not prefer the language of “unconditional forgiveness” because it appears to contradict what Jesus says in Mark 11:25 and Matthew 6:14-15 and this can be confusing to new believers and people just beginning to explore the Bible.
Using the word “forgiveness” to describe the entire process from heart decision to full restoration is, in my opinion, unhelpful. I would prefer to say that forgiveness and mercy can be decided upon and extended immediately, with a further process of restoration and reconciliation being dependent upon a proper response from the offender.
Either way, all parties in this intramural discussion appear to agree that a follower of Jesus Christ who is sinned against can immediately adopt a merciful spirit toward the offender, can pray for the offender and can release the offender in terms of any desire and plan for revenge. He or she should subsequently adopt an open attitude toward the possibility of reconciliation, which will be pursued actively as warranted by the response, accountability, and growth of the offending party.
God help!
Pastor Paul Carter
If you are interested in more Bible teaching from Pastor Paul you can access the entire library of Into The Word episodes through the Audio tab on the Into the Word website. You can also download the Into The Word app on iTunes or Google Play.